Start Somewhere

10 weeks after having my fourth baby, I felt tired and exhausted.  Tackling a newborn, unpacking a new home and trying to be a mom to my three other kids was taking everything I had.  I'd been given the all clear to begin exercising at 6 weeks, but other than a walk around the neighborhood, hadn't done much else.  I felt like I had no time to go back to my previous self.  I felt like my body just didn't have the energy to commit to one more thing.  I felt like I needed to wait until things slowed down.

What was happening to me?  I was rationalizing.  Looking for reasons not to start.  Finding ways to delay what would really help me feel better.  Why?  Because I knew it was going to be hard.  And I felt like I was doing enough hard things.

In that moment, I made the decision to try.  I've been an advocate for exercise and clean eating for years.  I needed to practice what I had preached for so long.  I planned to go for a run the next morning.  Our new homesite was next to trails, "why not take advantage of them?" I thought.

Before I could blink the next morning arrived and I was standing on my front porch looking at the trail in front of me.  I mentally planned to run to a specific spot on the trail.  The distance seemed more than doable and I began.  The crisp morning air shot into my lungs.  It felt invigorating.  

Until about the 6th stride.  When I remembered that I don't actually like to run.  30 seconds after that, my heart was pounding, and my side began to ache.  I was so close to home, I wanted to cry, quit, lay down on the grass and go to sleep - anything but continue.

I forced my legs to keep moving.  To the outside eye, this was anything from a run.  My body felt awkward.  I had no rhythm.  From an ariel view, I looked like a sluggish, jiggly snail moving across the earth.  At least that's how I felt.

I battled every step.  The loud voice in my head was shouting at me to quit.  To sit on the park bench, splash water on my face from the nearby creek and walk home "so sweaty."  But I wasn't going to lie to myself.  I wasn't going to let myself stop.  I needed to keep moving.

In an effort to distract myself, I began focusing on everything outside.  I would mentally say the name of what I saw.  House.  Tree.  Dog.  Then I counted my steps.  Anything to keep my mind from letting the quitting voice take over.

I approached the initial point on the trail where I had planned to slow and walk.  I'm a visual person, and had chosen a place with an actual line to it.  It was at the end of a bridge.  Once I crossed the bridge, I could walk, recover, do whatever I needed to do.

I so badly wanted to change the line.  Even to just the beginning of the bridge.  But my feet pounded on the pavement, the sound eventually changing to the pounding on the wooden bridge and as if I had fought through an endurance marathon, I crossed it.

Then I threw up.  (okay probably a little too much information, but hey, I'm honest.)

It took everything I had to make it across the bridge.  As a group fitness instructor, I often reference a perceived scale of exertion (or a 1-10 scale).  Always keeping ourselves below a 10 so that we can maintain control.  Well, I felt a solid 10.  

But crossing that line changed me.  Because I had managed to do something that felt really hard.  I didn't quit.  I had made myself stronger.  All the feelings from the night (and weeks) before had been erased.  

I smiled.  The blood pumping through me made me feel warm from the inside out.  True sweat dripped off my nose as if my body was telling me thank you for allowing it to work.

As an added bonus, each time I now cross the bridge, I have a spring in my step and smile on my face reminding myself of that moment.  Of starting somewhere.  

Want to start somewhere?  

1.  Commit Mentally.  No one, especially a new mom, has the time or energy sitting in excess to start exercising.  It has to be a mindful decision that you are going to commit yourself to.

2.  Take action.  We can think about starting all we want.  But we need to take those first steps.  Choose some type of fitness program - at home, with a group, inside, outside, on land, on water.  Decide what it is and schedule time to make it happen.  

3.  Embrace your present self.  If you're a new mom or if you've lost the routine of exercise, or if you've never really started exercise before, be realistic.  You are not the person you were 10 years ago.  That's actually a good thing.  But we need to listen to our present body.  And, no we don't need to push ourselves to a 10 like yours truly.  Set a goal that is realistic.  Then move forward.

4.  Cross your starting line.  I call it a starting line because getting through the first workout is going to feel extremely difficult.  But once you do it, you've started on your journey to becoming a stronger version of you.  

5.  Keep moving forward.  I actually chose a workout that I personally don't love.  That's okay.  I finished it.  Moving forward, I found something else that I loved a lot more.  It doesn't mean I won't still run on occasion, or that I might enjoy it more someday, but my present self needed a different option to succeed.  Because we're more likely to do something if we actually like it.